His Mighty Hand

Just look at my blog and you'll notice its not nearly as full as most adoption blogs.  In fact, when I got home from Ghana I wrote a small journal I shared with family and close friends but didn't post publicly much about our experiences.  Partly I was afraid something I posted online would somehow harm our journey - but partly - I was so very afraid of everything.  Afraid to talk about what it was like to see so many children in need.  Afraid of having to move on if this whole thing fell apart.  Afraid I couldn't move on.  Sadly, afraid to trust completely the One who loves our daughter so much deeper than I could ever hope to.

Today is a big day for our family.  I am humbled beyond words to think about how the Lord has been so loving throughout this process.  A little background info:

Did you know, Ghana is now closed to international adoption:  http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_alerts_notices.php?alert_notice_type=alerts&alert_notice_file=ghana_2

During our adoption our agency representative left our adoption agency.  Days later our agency closed their Ghana adoption program only to reopen it a week after that.  We were told families in process that wished to leave would NOT receive any sort of refund.  After several letters, phone calls and emails and months of waiting - we and other families received refunds.  That's pretty much unheard of.  We took a leap of faith and committed to an independent adoption with the representative who left our agency.  Something about this woman just made me want to trust her.  She assured me Ghana adoption was unstable and their was little chance of finding a girl under 3. 

We waited...

November 28 I received 'the call'.  I saw the pictures.  Printed out a few for Chris when he got home late from work.  It was surreal. 

Right before we were ready to travel (bags packed in the bedroom ready) for our court date in March we received another call.  This was NOT what I was expecting.  Ghana was no longer processing adoptions and no more cases were going to court.  I remember feeling so burdened for her.  How could we just walk away?  We had to take care of her somehow from across the ocean.  She was our DAUGHTER.. not legally, but in our hearts.  I remember calling my aunt and crying.  It was hard. 

Days later I found myself trying to book last minute Easter week tickets to Ghana.  The judge would hear our case.  I remember going to the Christian bookstore and buying Anna a Bible, some children's stories about God's love for her and a Christian necklace.  I thought, if we never bring her home she's in a highly Muslim area and I want her to know how much her Jesus loves her. 

Being in Ghana was amazing and heartbreaking at the same time.  Seeing her was wonderful, but the stories of the hardships of the 40 girls she lived with were devastating... the abandoned babies, caning, tribal customs, mutilation, it was very, very tough stuff.  There is no way to unsee or unhear those things.  And I'm kind of glad I can't.  I'll never look at my life or my children's lives the same again.  I'm hoping to help Eban Project (the wonderful group that helped us with our adoption) bring healing and love to Upper West Ghana and am excited about the work this organization is planning there.  www.ebanproject.org

We were the first international adoption our judge had done we believe, and the first in many many years in the Upper West Region of Ghana.  We both felt like we barely passed court.  She slept on me the entire time and I kept looking at the judge pleading with my eyes - "See we could be a family.  She is happy.  I am happy" 

Returning home was so hard.  During the long wait after leaving her, Ghana closed to adoption officially.  It was so nerve wracking wondering where the cut off would be for cases in process.  In addition, many cases were being put under LONG investigations due to the closing of Ghana adoptions and child trafficking investigations.  Everything was unstable.  Nothing was a sure thing until a child set foot on US soil. 

I tried not to think about her after a while.  We prayed for her and talked to the children about her but it was SO hard not knowing if she would ever meet her brothers or if I'd ever kiss her goodnight. 

And now - here we are.  I finally allowed myself to believe this day could and would happen about a week ago.  I took tags off some clothes.  I allowed myself to wash a few things too.  I let my heart love fully knowing full well there was no going back either way.  I flipped ahead in one of my favorite 'go to' devotionals to see what wise words would be on Anna's interview day last week.  This is what the Lord blessed me with:

My Utmost for His Highest - August 12

Why are you fearful, O you of little faith? —Matthew 8:26

When we are afraid, the least we can do is pray to God. But our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His name have an underlying confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the ones who are reliable. Yet our trust is only in God up to a certain point, then we turn back to the elementary panic-stricken prayers of those people who do not even know God. We come to our wits’ end, showing that we don’t have even the slightest amount of confidence in Him or in His sovereign control of the world. To us He seems to be asleep, and we can see nothing but giant, breaking waves on the sea ahead of us.

“. . . O you of little faith!” What a stinging pain must have shot through the disciples as they surely thought to themselves, “We missed the mark again!” And what a sharp pain will go through us when we suddenly realize that we could have produced complete and utter joy in the heart of Jesus by remaining absolutely confident in Him, in spite of what we were facing.

There are times when there is no storm or crisis in our lives, and we do all that is humanly possible. But it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to place our trust in Him, the crisis will reveal that we can go to the point of breaking, yet without breaking our confidence in Him.

We have been talking quite a lot about sanctification, but what will be the result in our lives? It will be expressed in our lives as a peaceful resting in God, which means a total oneness with Him. And this oneness will make us not only blameless in His sight, but also a profound joy to Him.

 

I confess - I have been FEARFUL the whole time God has been whispering... I've Got This.  I love her.  She is MINE. 

 

So today, I want to use this opportunity to say.  THIS IS OUR MIRACLE.  This child, coming into our home - all the way from Ghana with all of the odds stacked against us - this is my miracle and this is my God.  I don't want to miss the way He's orchestrated, helped and guided this process.  

 

Thank you Jesus for today and for this precious child.  May I love her a fraction of the ways you do to the best of my heart.

And thank you, dear friends and family, for your prayers. 

The EMBASSY CALLED ME to talk about our daughters visa interview.  This seems unheard of.  They explained we passed but had to readopt her in the states w/ an IR4 visa.  We knew this.  I had the opportunity to personally plead to print the visa tomorrow instead of Friday so she could come home ASAP with our adoption coordinator who just HAPPENS to be leaving Ghana on Wednesday.  Coincidence.  No way.  That's Jesus.  Tomorrow her visa will be printed.  Thursday morning 1015 she'll be in my arms in Chicago.

             ................................................. One more thought........................................................

If you are reading this thinking... "that's cool they wanted to help a child.  I'd like to do that but it wouldn't work for my family or situation", you are probably correct.  Adoption is NOT for everyone and should be a last resort for vulnerable children.  However, there are SO MANY WAYS you CAN HELP these precious children.  Child sponsorship is a proven, excellent way to change a child's life.  Right now, Eban Project www.ebanproject.org is collecting information on additional children that need sponsors in Ghana.  Compassion International www.compassion.org has over 1 million children sponsored and is an excellent organization with operations all over the world. 

In impoverished countries often education is not free, and in Ghana poor families must make tough choices keeping children home, selling them or sending them away to work because they can't afford school.  Educational sponsorships can not only give a child a future but enable them to stay in their families as well. 

If you don't have a sponsor child I strongly encourage you to add one.  If you have one or two I encourage you to add one more.  Give up an American luxury - put a picture on your wall - and every time you or your family miss that thing, think of that person you are helping.