surprised...

Well, I have to admit... I've been really shocked by this whole experience... It's nothing like I expected. Everyone says adoption is unpredictable, but somehow, in the excitement of it all, I think adoptive parents misguide themselves into hoping their story will be different.

Every night I wake up in the middle of the night worried about the adoption. When I'm away from my computer I wonder if there is a devastating or an amazing email of news waiting for me. When I turn on the news I pray that the US isn't doing anything that would hurt the adoption or anger the foreign country. I'm starting to literally, worry myself sick...My whole world has changed and the baby isn't even here yet. I refuse to allow myself to decorate the baby room any further or buy any more baby things. I don't want them sitting there for a year unused if our adoption is delayed.

This is by far the absolute hardest thing I have ever done and we haven't even made the first trip yet... or dossier isn't even in country and I'm already spazzing. And I have great people supporting me.

If you are a PAP (potential adoptive parent)... you probably know EXACTLY how I feel. Worried if you'll have the money for the trip, worried you'll never get a referral, worried when you finally get home you'll loose the referral, worried you'll never be invited back for your referral... it's endless...

The Lord is in control. The Lord is in control. My GOD the God of the entire universe is in control - NOT ME!:)He knows when our baby will take its first breath... he knows when we will hold our little one for the first time... and that is it. I tell myself that every day.

For those of you thinking about adoption... in the process of adoption... or supporting those adopting... Keep up the good work. I am confident it will all be worth it in the end for each of us. Please be faithful in praying for each other and for Chris and I.